Day 4: The healthy thinking plan.

I am not proud to admit I have literally lost my momentum for this project already; negative, defeatist, can’t be bothered thoughts are plaguing my mind. I think it’s probably because I have been attempting to do the quick version of my plan, by trying not to have, or ignoring every negative thought that comes to mind. Rather than confront it, learn about the belief behind it, being thankful for it being bought to my attention and then letting it go. Initially this all seemed fairly quick and quite an easy task. But the reality is, especially in my situation, I have a lot of negative thoughts. In fact now that I am paying close attention to my thoughts I have noticed that a majority of my thoughts are hardwired towards the negative. My perception about my family, friends and life in general is highly critical, unforgiving, intolerant of others and their character flaws or weaknesses, with an expectation for the occurrence of the worst case scenario. My words are even negatively geared, do you know how many times I answered “not bad” to a “how are you?” question? Too many, why is it so difficult for me to express myself in a positive way? I realise that I have a lot of stuff to unravel, I have barely even scratched the surface and it’s already feeling like a marathon of gigantic proportions. I know I am speaking in very sceptical terms, I do still have faith that I can alter my thinking patterns and gear them more towards the positive, but there’s just a lot ahead of me and I am beginning to feel afraid of how far I will have to push myself to achieve this, and whether I will have the strength to carry on with this project. Don’t get me wrong, I have noticed that while I have encountered a lot of difficulty there have been some noticeably significant improvements in my character recently. For instance, even though I was stressed about the car accident yesterday, I managed to pull myself out of my mind rut fairly quickly. My partner even noticed how bubbly and joyful I was after only a couple of hours. In the past he would observe my sour attitude after a crisis lasting anywhere from 48 hours to an entire week. Other small improvements have also become apparent, I seem to be getting more creative with my writing, blogging and business ideas. I also have the urge to clean and tidy up more often and am spending my time far more productively and efficiently. While I am a long way from reaching my ideal goals, there does seem to be a small glimmer of light at the end of this tunnel.

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