It has been a rough couple of days to say the least. When I predicted that my positive thinking was more than likely going to be tested, I was not wrong. Yesterday, I was given a really big test, in the form of a car accident. There wasn’t any major damage, in fact there was only a tiny little scratch on the other persons vehicle but it was more the shock of what happened. I haven’t been involved in an accident (touch wood) for many years so it came out of the blue and was entirely my fault. Immediately after the accident, I noticed myself become increasingly stressed and anxious about the whole ordeal that I ended up in my usual pattern of self pity, depression and having a full blown whinge to my ever patient and supportive boyfriend.
I noticed the habitual thoughts that came crashing into my mind involved things like, “I am going to have to pay for this, how will I afford it?” “Everything has fallen apart, I can’t handle this”. The most dominant thoughts seemed to be all doom and gloom. How this could negatively affect my insurance premiums and the concern of maybe having to find a mechanic that won’t rip me off. Also, I was getting really resentful of the fact that I had to pay for a tiny little scratch, that would probably cost an arm and a leg to fix. Oh poor me. My partner did his best to try to support and cheer me up, reminding me about my healthy thought plan. But I didn’t want a bar of it. I just wanted to wallow in my own misery. For some reason it felt comforting to just give up my self discipline and let myself behave as childish and irrationally as I wanted, regardless of how miserable I was making those around me.
Then I woke up to myself and realised how selfish and immature this was, one tiny speed bump, one simple test and all my healthy thought plans were out the door. How could I be so out of control and easily rattled? This is not the mindset of a winner. So I made a deliberate decision to change it, I started to find the positive in the situation, first of all, nobody was injured or hurt. Second of all, this accident woke me up to be more careful on the road and not so complacent, thirdly, I got an opportunity to see how amazing my partner is in a crisis. While I was whinging and sulking he was offering to assist me with speaking to the other party and help negotiate a resolution. He told me of his plan to find a mechanic that would not rip me off as he would be there to oversee things. He remained incredibly level headed, focused and patient during the entire time. I realised how silly I was behaving and how I so easily failed my first test. I guess I was a little cocky starting this project, assuming it would be a breeze. But what I realise is that when you have a habit of reacting and thinking a certain way, it is not easy to break it, especially if you have been behaving like this your whole life. Unless you are determined enough to push through your comfort zone and move past the easy by taking a good, honest look at yourself and your negativity. Sometimes, it can be really difficult and confronting to face the truth of who we have become. However, changing our lives for the better is worth it.